Guide to Buying Your Lover a Christmas Gift

But in our defence, what you have to understand isEven when we do use our initiative, we're guaranteed
this: women and men are worlds apart when it comesto have it thrown back in our faces. My current
to the whole 'presents' thing, not in the least because itgirlfriend took one look at the jacket I bought her from
gives you an extra excuse to indulge in your most -Mango last year - a jacket I'd seen her admire several
and our least - favourite activity, shopping. Cometimes - before oh-so-sweetly asking for the receipt so
December, you girls will happily breeze into one ofshe could change it "for a different colour", then came
those gift shops that us blokes avoid like the plague,home with yet another pair of shoes, because "they
and buy something like a scented candle that even unlitdidn't have my size". Faced with this kind of reaction, is
smells like toilet cleaner, or alternatively you'll get one ofit any wonder you end up with something from us
those tiny, decorated boxes that's too small to everfrom Robert Dyas, rather than Roberto Cavalli?
hold anything useful, plus a card with some hideouslyAnd even if we do manage to negotiate the
abstract glitter-encrusted front and twee messagepresent-buying minefield, we then have the added
inside, even when - and this is the killer for us guys -stress of what to write in your Christmas card. 'Love
you don't even know who you're going to give it to.from'? 'With love'? 'All my love'? These may all mean
Yet men hate shopping at the best of times, andthe same (i.e. nothing) to us, but you girls can
particularly at Christmas, because then there's theextrapolate whole relationship judgements from our
added stress of having to buy something for someonechoice of sign-off.
else. Normally, we work on the 'if we need something,My friend Mike used to do surprisingly well with the
we buy it' principle, making the idea of presents a littlechat-up line "Can I buy you a drink - or would you just
redundant. And we kind of assume (given the amountlike the money?" And nowadays, he applies the same
of time you spend wandering up and down the Highapproach to present shopping, making sure he takes
Street) you do the same, which is why when it comeshis girlfriend with him whenever he needs to buy her a
to buying you any sort of gift, our 'practical' headgift. She gets what she wants, which - when it's been
comes into play. We know you like handbags andlingerie - has meant that he does too. And sometimes
shoes, for example, but common sense (or a quickeven right there in the changing room, as he's fond of
glance inside your wardrobe) tells us you've got morebragging. Romantic? Perhaps not. Foolproof? You bet!
than enough of those already. There's alwaysSo this year, if you don't want the usual disappointment
perfume, but then we're worried that you'll think we'reof a clumsily-wrapped pair of Totes Toasties or a set
only buying it for you because we don't like the wayof Allen Keys, at least give us a hint. Point things out to
you smell. And clothes? You spend most of the restus in the jeweller's window. Tear the fashion pages out
of the year buying the season's must-haves forof Cosmo and leave them where we're sure to find
yourselves anyway, tutting at us if we dare to suggestthem - inside the TV guide's as good a place as any.
that puffball dress might make you look pregnant, soWrite us a 'dear Santa' letter and slip it in with our
how on earth can we be expected to make the rightChristmas card. Or failing that, just tell us exactly what
choice as we frantically sprint round Zara on our ownit is you're after. And even then, make sure we keep
at five p.m. on Christmas Eve?the receipt.