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Cash, a Rude Request?

Office gift exchanges can sometimes be a and picked up the next one. The slim,
painful experience. flat object turned out to be a package of
bicycle reflectors.
What happens if you draw the name of
that one person in your office that makes Not owning a bike, and following the
your skin crawl? Or worse, what if you natural line of progression, I
make the skin crawl of the person who proclaimed, "Wow! You got me a bike??"
drew your name?
"Huh? No."
Gifts are suppose to be from the heart.
How can it come from the heart if that Okaaaaaay.
person makes your heart shrivel up faster
than a vienna sausage that's been left in This had to be going somewhere. Didn't
the sun? it?
I enjoy the art of gift giving - and it I continued opening.
is an art.
An air freshener in the shape of a
Giving the perfect gift requires yellow foot. The kind you hang from your
thought, time and effort. The perfect rear view mirror and can buy at any AM PM
gift says, 'I know who you are and I Mini Mart for a buck fifty.
celebrate you.'
"That's so you won't get sick when you
What then happens to the ride in my car." (My husband being a
gift-giving-challenged? Better yet, what smoker who has been regulated to only
happens to the receiver of those gifts? smoking outside on the deck or in his
truck.)
My husband is the worst gift giver...
ever. A palm sized book of kitten photos.
It never fails to amaze me how someone "You like kittens, right?"
who has lived with you for years on end,
can just not get it. (We just began our A box of ant stakes.
10th year of marital bliss.)
"You know, cuz of the ants." (Very
I have come to dread special occasions. thoughtful, being that it was summer and
My last birthday was the worst. I had been battling to keep the ants out
of the kitchen.)
On the morning of my birthday, my
husband sat me down on the couch and To his credit, the last gift I opened
proudly approached with an arm full of was The Best of Chris Farley from
gifts. The previous year's birthday gift Saturday Night Live. Ok, I could live
had been a big fat nothing. (Husbands with that one.
take note: never give your wife nothing
on her birthday - unless you hate her and As I sat there with my assortment of
intentionally want her to feel totally gifts and my state of shock, I couldn't
worthless.) Seeing him approach with the help but wonder just how much this man
gifts, I felt a tinge of hope. despised me or if a request for cash
would be rude.
With the expectant look of a puppy
searching for a new home, my husband sat When Christmas came, I attempted to
in front of me and beckoned that I begin install a "no gifts" policy. Emphasizing
opening my gifts. that it just wasn't in the budget - and
truthfully, I couldn't survive ant stakes
I picked up the first small package and under the Christmas tree.
lightly shook it back and forth. My
husband prodded, "Just open it." But my husband insisted, "It's
Christmas. I have to get you something."
Removing the wrapping revealed a box of
staples - the kind for a staple gun that Christmas day arrived and my husband
you would use around the house. handed me an envelope containing a gift
certificate to Borders Books.
"So is this my new staple gun?" I asked,
patting a square package sitting on the I hugged him.
table. I was excited. I had been wanting
one. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank
you!"
My husband got a puzzled look on his
face, "Huh? No." Copyright (c) 2005 Maureen Valdes Marsh
all rights reservedMaureen Valdes Marsh
The opening of the square box produced a is a former newspaper reporter. She
small puzzle of white kittens, sitting in currently writes a semi-punctual weekly
a row, on a pink background. It was the column on her website called, "Musings of
perfect gift for a puzzle enthusiast or a Vintage Grace." She is the author of the
10-year-old girl. Last time I checked, I upcoming book for Collectors Press, "Be
was neither. There or Be Square: Fashion's Flare in
the 1970s", set for release Fall '06.
My hopes were fading but I forged ahead




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